What Is Prayer? (No, There Are No Rules)

I Am the World's Worst at Praying Out Loud

Here's the thing about my brain: it does not stay on topic. I ramble. I circle back to things I already said. I forget what I was praying for mid-sentence. Sometimes I start doing something else entirely and forget to say "Amen," which means I've left the line open to God indefinitely. He has gotten a lot of background noise from my life.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, prays like someone wrote it down and rehearsed it. Beautiful, flowing, deeply moving poetry. I used to feel embarrassed listening to him pray and then opening my mouth afterward to say something like, "Hey God, so... you know that thing? Yeah, that."

It took me a while to figure out that was okay.

The Rule I Made Up (and Then Had to Unlearn)

Somewhere along the way I picked up this idea that prayer had a right way and a wrong way. That it was supposed to sound a certain way, follow a certain structure, use certain words. That if it didn't, maybe God wasn't really listening. Or worse, maybe He was listening and judging my sentence construction.

It took me a long time to let that go.

The truth is, God is not a professor grading your presentation. He's a Father. He's a friend. And He just wants to hear from you, not the polished, together version of you, but the actual you. The rambling, distracted, sometimes-arguing-with-Him version of you.

What Prayer Actually Is

At its core, prayer is a conversation. It's talking to someone who already knows everything about you and loves you anyway. You don't need a script. You don't need the right words. You don't need to kneel or close your eyes or fold your hands (though none of those are bad things).

Matthew 6:7-8 says: "When you pray, don't babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don't be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him."

He already knows. He just wants the relationship. He wants you to come to Him with whatever is actually on your mind.

Yes, Even That

I have argued with God. Out loud, in my car, probably with some hand gestures. There have been seasons where I felt pushed in a direction I absolutely did not want to go, and I told Him so, in no uncertain terms. I made my case. I pleaded my argument.

I have never once won.

But that's the thing. Even in those conversations, I was still talking to Him. Still showing up. And somewhere in the arguing, I usually found my way to the right answer. Not because God wore me down, but because the longer I stayed in the conversation, the clearer it became.

That counts as prayer too.

What to Do If You Don't Know Where to Start

If prayer feels intimidating or weird or like something other people are just better at, start small. A few things that have actually helped me:

• Just talk. Out loud, in your head, in a journal. Tell God what's actually going on. Don't clean it up first.
• Start with thanks. Not because you have to, but because it tends to shift everything else you're about to say.
• Be honest. If you're angry, say so. If you're scared, say so. If you don't even know what you're asking for, say that. He can handle it.
• Don't wait until you feel ready. You won't. Just start.

The Psalms are full of David doing exactly this. Bringing his whole messy, emotional, sometimes furious self to God and not polishing it up first. Psalm 13 starts with "O Lord, how long will you forget me?" That is not a cleaned-up prayer. And it's in the Bible.

It Doesn't Have to Sound Like Poetry

My boyfriend's prayers are beautiful. Mine sound like a voicemail I forgot to hang up on. And I genuinely believe God is equally delighted by both, because they're both honest. They're both real people showing up.

If you want to go deeper in your faith, not just on Sundays but every day, our messages at Grace Fishers are a good place to start. Or you could try talking to God tonight. Exactly as you are. Rambling and all. He's already listening.

About the Author

Beth Montgomery is the Communications Director at Grace Fishers Church in Fishers, Indiana. She has been known to leave the line open to God while making coffee. He has never complained.